INSTALLING HUSBAND !

INSTALLING HUSBAND ! A woman writes to the IT Technical support..... Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5,and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, _______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______   ___ _______ REPLY DEAR Madam, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thoughtyoulovedme. html and try to downloadTears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT  in  any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7. Good Luck Madam!

The Talk..........

Boy: I need someone to talk to.
Girl: I'm always here for you.
Boy: I know.
Girl: What's wrong?
Boy: I like her so much.
Girl: Talk to her.
Boy: I don't know. She won't ever like me.
Girl: Don't say that...you're amazing.
Boy: I just want her to know how I feel.
Girl: Then tell her.
Boy: She won't like me.
Girl: How do you know that?
Boy: I can just tell her...
Girl: Well just tell her.
Boy: What should I say?
Girl: Tell her how much you like her.
Boy: I tell her daily.
Girl: What do you mean?
Boy: I'm always with her...I love her.
Girl: I know how you feel. I have the same problem...but he'll never like me.
Boy: Wait. Who do you like?
Girl: Oh, some boy.
Boy: Oh, she won't like me either.
Girl: She does.
Boy: How do you know?
Girl: Because who wouldn't like you?
Boy: You.
Girl: You're wrong. I love you.
Boy: I love you too.
Girl: So are you going to talk to her?
Boy: I just did.

The Phone Call.........

A girl quickly punches a number into her phone and waits until she hears the other line pick up.

“Becky, I don’t know what to do, I really don’t. I love him so much and I don’t think he thinks of me that way. I mean, whenever I see him or think of him, I can’t help it, this smile comes across my face. Sometimes he sees me smiling and smiles back. That’s when my knees turn to jello and I get butterflies in my stomach. I know you think that he’s is so totally adorable and cute, but if you look past that and actually listen to what he has to say, you find a totally different person. He’s so caring and considerate and he makes me feel like I don’t deserve him. Well, actually, I don’t deserve him. He’s too perfect, I mean, look at all the girls that fall over for him. I could never be one of those. Their all so pretty and bubbly and….. not me. I couldn’t even start to compare myself to them. But whenever I think of him or see him, I can’t help it, I smile. Now I didn’t tell you this but he called me the other day about homework. I tell you now, I made a complete fool of myself. I’m so embarrassed. I stuttered the whole time, but he was so sweet and just kept talking and making me feel better. He’s so perfect Becky, I don’t deserve him, so why do I keep wishing and praying that he will notice me, why?............Becky? Becky are you there?”

“This isn’t Becky.”

Petrified the girl asks, “Then who is this?”

“ This is the guy who’s smile turns your knees to jello and I just wanted to say one thing. Everything you just said now, I’ve been wanting to say since the day I met you.”

The Seed.......

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business. Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together. He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. "The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown.

After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure. Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful -- in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!" All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!" When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed - Jim told him the story. The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer! His name is Jim!"

Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed. "How could he be the new CEO?" the others said. Then the CEO said, "One year ago from today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow. All of you, except

Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!"

 

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends

* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness

* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment

* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective

* If you plant hard work, you will reap success

* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

* If you plant faith in God, you will reap a harvest So, be careful what  you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later..

 

"Whatever You Give To Life, Life Gives You”

Self Appraisal......

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and ask him for a Phone Call.

Shop-owner replied Sweety this is no a STD, but you can do one call. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy.

The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.

The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North-Palm beach, Florida."

Again the woman answered in the negative.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.

 

The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said," Son... I like your attitude;

I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job." The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have.

I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"